His reason
by LiiiSherlockJunkiee
Summary: Because Sherlock had just this one reason...his one and only reason.


Alright, I've written this already a few months ago and today I just thought, what the hell am I waiting for? But I think I have to warn you, it's kind of depressing...well, I think this just happens when you're in a bad mood, listen to sad music and start writing a fanfiction...anyway, I hope you'll like it and pleeeeeeaaase review, it motivates me a lot :)

Oh and by the way, I've written this to the song 'the reason' from Hoobastank and I would STRONGLY recommend to listen to it!

**His reason**

Dark, sinister clouds covered London's sky. Thunder growled in the background. A single raindrop fell down and onto a black coat. Said coat belonged to a tall, thin figure which stood there alone, hands stuffed in his pockets. Once there was a time when nobody thought twice about the fact that no one else was there to accompany him. Once, there wasn't anything unusual with this picture of utter loneliness. Once, he himself hadn't wanted it any other way. Now, it was different. It was wrong. Sherlock continued to stare at _it_, just like he had done for the last four hours. He just stood there, on the moist ground and stared.

"Ridiculous", he snapped, his low voice loud in the silence. It was a word he had muttered already a billion times in his life. But never like this. He knew he sounded strange, muffled, as if he couldn't breathe. He couldn't. He closed his eyes. He opened them._ It_ was still there, mocking him, torturing him.

"I know you are here!", Sherlock shouted hoarsely, clearing his throat. Wind blew through the leaves of the tree which stood at his right side, making them rustle, like quiet whispers in the dark. Nobody answered. Sherlock huffed, hands clenching into fists."This is some sort of pay back for the Reichenbach fall, isn't it?", he asked, voice rising slightly. Another raindrop. The unhealthy pale man started pacing in front of _it_. "This isn't funny" his strangled voice hissed, still walking up and down frantically. "I know you haven't a good taste in jokes but _this…"_ Thunder. Raindrop. Silence.

"ANSWER ME" he screamed, finally going down on his knees, his whole body shaking but he won't cry. He knew this wasn't real. It couldn't be. "I. SAID. ANSWER. ME" With every word he punched _it, _his fists crashing against cold stone. Again. Again. Then it started pouring."You, with your stupid smiles, ugly jumpers, boring girlfriends, with your damn tea and feelings, ANSWER ME" Sherlock continued screaming at _it, _at the words in front of him, pulling at his curls, crouching on the wet ground. "_Please" _Lighting flashed through the darkness, reflecting in the smooth surface of the grey gravestone, the name on it stood out even more prominent. _John Watson. _Sherlock lunched forward, trying to rip _it_ apart, to destroy _it_, but of course it didn't work. After he trashed around for about 10 minutes he gave up and curled himself up to a tiny ball, back resting against the stone.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it" he mumbled, biting his lip until it started bleeding. After the next thunder he jumped up, whirling around so he faced _it_ again. "John Watson, if you won't stop with this nonsense right now I swear I will kill you for real" Nobody but howling wind responded him. He didn't care that he was already totally soaked, he would wait until his flatmate jumped out of his hiding place. He was here. He was alright. He had to be. "Ha, I know! You want to hear that I apologise, to know what I _feel_" Sherlock scoffed, ignoring his trembling hands. "Alright you stupid man, I'm sorry that I burnt our kitchen down, but just because of that you don't have to fake a damn car accident directly in front of my eyes! What did you pay this stupid cabbie, to make him pull this stunt off?" Raindrops crashed in his face. "Do you hear me, I'M SORRY!" Nothing.

The detective closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, took a shaking breath. "John" he mumbled softly, voice heavy with emotion. There was pain, so much pain. "I know I'm not the best person, not even a good one. I make mistakes, YES I admit it alright? But…if you want it, you could… I don't know, _teach me _how to be one. I already learned so much from you, I know that. I'm...better since you entered my life. And I'm sorry. Really, I am. Because of all those things I did to you and never apologised for, I'm doing it now. I'm so, so sorry. And before I go home, where I'll wait for you to come back from where ever you're sulking, I want you to know that I've finally found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And this reason is you. John Watson…" Sherlock's whole body trembled, while he waited for anything to happen. Still nothing. "You want me to say it, don't you?" he laughed hollowly, turning around so he could few the whole graveyard. "JOHN WATSON, I LOVE YOU", he screamed, knowing that in a few seconds his grinning blogger would turn up and mocking him for his dramatic statement.

He waited. And waited. Sherlock stood there, staring into space until it stopped raining. And as the sun slowly appeared on the skyline, its warm light causing the raindrops on the gravestone to glitter, his façade slipped away. One single tear escaped his burning eyes and ran down his cheeks, quickly followed by other ones until his vision blurred completely. Now he knew. He knew that his John wasn't there. Not here in this graveyard, not here in London, not in Great Britain, not alive. John Watson, the first and last person Sherlock will ever love, was dead. And once again he screamed. He let out all his pain until there was nothing left. "I'll find you, wherever you are. I promise" he whispered and laid his skinny hand on the words which symbolised the only reason for him that had been worth living in this boring, stupid and cruel world. One last time he closed his eyes, his hand lingering on the cold surface. Then he stuffed it back in his pocket, turned around with his coat swirling behind him and walked away with his collar turned up and shoulders hunched down.

And somewhere, far, far away over the clouds, John Watson smiled sadly, tears streaming down his face. "And I'll wait for you, how long it may be."

* * *

Yuuuup, definitely depressing...but I really do hope you liked it anyway, so review and speak your mind :)


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